From Law to Lasting Change: Why relationships skills are needed alongside legal skills in separation

19th January 2026

A Turning Point

30 years ago, I was asked to come and speak about family law to a local workshop for those struggling with separation and divorce.  At the time, I was a partner in a London family law practice and was taking some time off following the birth of my first child. I arrived at the workshop feeling confident; I understood the law and could explain the factors which influence how children and finance issues are resolved following a separation.

Realising the Real Issues Aren’t Legal

I sat in the groups and listened to those present talk about their situations. The issues they faced had little to do with law. They were about loss, conflict, communication, fear, managing anger, boundaries, hurt, betrayal….  Overarching all of these was a deep wish to protect children and not leave them negatively affected by their parents splitting up.  (Plus, for some, an equally strong wish to stick pins in their ex and hope they disappeared off the face of the earth.)  As I listened, it became increasingly clear that the skills I had as a family lawyer could offer little to the needs of this group.  I had no training beyond the application of law to a set of facts.

A Shift Toward Holistic Support

That evening set me on a different course, to broaden skills and work more holistically to learn from other professional disciplines.   I realised that the ‘go-to’ professional for many should not be a person with legal skills so much as a person with relationship skills; a person who could help a parent to lay down the tug-of-war rope, and be willing to see things from their child’s perspective. 

Programmes that tackle relationship challenges

I could not be more thrilled to see the arrival of the Separated Parenting Programme Directory.  These programmes are exactly the place to tackle these relationship challenges.  They address one’s own feelings about the other parent, managing conflict, establishing healthy boundaries, the dynamics of good communication.  They provide the toolkit for navigating separation in a way that protects children.  The goal is to emerge with a strong and healthy family dynamic in separate homes.

A Single Directory Makes Separated Parenting Programmes Easy To Find  

This is one of the most exciting developments in a 30+ year career of working with separating families.  As a mediator I say to all my clients it’s worth going on one of these programmes. Now we have a directory, they can easily find the right one for them.  I know they will benefit but much more importantly, this is just fantastic news for children. 

Written by: Helen Adam, Accredited Family Mediator & Professional Practice Consultant, Wells Family Mediation.