Parenting after separation – a parent tells his story

13th May 2026

Could a programme support you parenting after separation?

Parenting after separation isn’t easy. No matter where you are on your separated parenting journey, a separated parenting programme can help.

Perhaps you’re in the very early stages and worry about how all the change and disruption will impact your children or maybe you’re several years in and you want to improve the communication with your co parent and make life between two homes easier for you kids. The important message is that you’re not expected to know it all, you’re not alone and there is help at hand.

Parenting dynamics after separation impact children’s wellbeing

When parents separate, the focus is understandably on the things that need to be sorted for the children – the schedules, communicating with school or nursery, handovers, finances etc. What can get overlooked or misunderstood, is the deep emotional experience of children who need to adjust to life across two homes and how our
every day choices shape that experience for our children.

One parent who took part in our separated parenting programme described the course as a ‘complete reset’.
‘It helped me to step back and think about my role and what my priorities should be.’

How are the children experiencing your separation?

For this parent, the most significant shift was learning to pause and respond rather than react. He learned that ‘putting children first’ meant thinking how his co-parenting dynamics after separation impacted his childrens’ unique experience. ‘Everything I learned helped me to pause and think about how my children were experiencing their family rather than just how I saw things.’

This change in mindset had a powerful ripple effect. Faced with ongoing co-parenting conflict, this parent chose to focus on what he could control and what he could do to protect their children from adult tensions, helping them feel safe, loved and free to be children with both their parents.

‘There is conflict in our coparenting relationship, which is sad, but I work hard to improve our communication and keep it less visible to our children. I want them to have a good relationship with both their parents. I’ve learned that is important.’

Co-parenting courses encourage parents to think long term and to imagine how their children might describe their childhood in years to come. They provide targeted support for parenting after separation. ‘ I continually reflect on how my children might talk about their experience of our divorce in 10 or 20 years time. What would I like them to say?’

Taking the long term view

The future focused lense helped this parent to ‘dial down’ the conflict and focus on the bond he wanted to have with his children, today and in years to come. Rather than trying to change his co-parent, he learned simple practical strategies to manage his own responses in realtime.

‘ I feel I have an amazing toolbox of strategies that I can apply again and again.’ One everyday moment brought this learning to life. These co-parents had agreed their son would try new music lessons and that Dad would collect him from Mum’s for the first session. When his son texted to say that he would be late as Mum had just come in from the gym, the Dad made a choice. In the past, he might had criticised his co-parent for being late or made a sarcastic comment to his son. Instead, this time he chose to pause: ‘I thought about how my son might be feeling . Perhaps he was anxious that I was kept waiting or worried that he would be late for his new lesson.’ So he decided to make a lighthearted comment about how he drives the back roads to get them there on time. The result ? No stress, no undercurrent and just a calm transition and a positive shared experience with his son, plus a choice to follow up with his co-parent calmly and constructively in his own time.

Separated parenting courses don’t remove conflict overnight. But as this parent’s experience shows, they can help change how parents manage the dynamics. Coparenting programmes help parents focus on their children’s experience and help them to build warm, calm and secure relationships that support their children’s mental health and wellbeing today and into the future.

Written by: Heather Rutherford, The Parenting Partnership